You can't bring that dog in this bar

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here! " The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog. " "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me. " The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog. " The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here! "The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog. " The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs. " The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!? "

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I think Rover is getting a bit old...

"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf. ""Bullshit, watch this... Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll get the shovel and clean it up! "

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The Sick Blonde...

A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right? "
"Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train. "
"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while? "
"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there. "

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A blonde calls the fire department cause her house was on fi

A blonde calls the fire department cause her house was on fire. They ask her how to get there and she says "Duh, big red truck?!. "

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Drunk walks into elevator...

Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes,and then says, "Dammit, I said UP."

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