Drinking problem

Buford: Man, have you got a drinking problem! Mongo: The hell I do! Buford: The hell you don't! Mongo: I don't have a drinking problem. I drink... I get drunk... I fall down. No problem!

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He is a very fast drinker

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy? "The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles. " The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have. " The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal? " The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar. "

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Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this. " She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment? "
He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms! "

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Food jokes

Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instill good table manners in her girls? She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup.

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Food jokes

Camper: There's something wrong with my hot dog.Cook: Don't tell me. I'm not a veterinarian.

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Food jokes

Boy: What's black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don't worry about what's in the tin.

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Food jokes

At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy's ear.
"There! " he said proudly. "I bet your Mum can't produce eggs without hens, can she? "
"Oh yes, she can," said the boy. "She keeps ducks. "

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Food jokes

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything.When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: 'Is this pig?'Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: 'Which end of the fork are you referring to?'

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Food jokes

And what's your name? " the secretary asked the next new boy. "Butter. " "I hope your first name's not Roland," smirked the secretary. "No, ma'am. It's
Brendan. "

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Food jokes

An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales. " The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your son. "

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Food jokes

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint
Peter.
"Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area. "
"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets! "

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