"Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a
'Breathalyzer'? " asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool.
"Well, I'd have to say that it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent.
"Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years! "
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A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush's jumped the Game Warden!!Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden. After about a half mile the fell a stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Lets see your fishing license, Boy!! " the Warden gasped. With that, the fell a pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. i3galr3pr0ducton0fa! h!a! j0k3s "Well, son ", said the Game Warden, " You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks!! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license! "
"Yes Sir ", replied the young feller," But my friend back there, well, he don't have one "..."
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"Jim will not be in today. He is not feeling himself. Thank you. "THIS MEANS:
1. He doesn't feel the way he usually does.
2. He is not in complete control of his hands.
3. His emotions are shattered.
4. His skin is numb.
5. He has transformed into an alter-ego (i. e. professional wrestler)
6. He is not feeling himself, in a biblical sense.
7. He has been covered in saran-wrap.
8. He is in an isolation tank.
9. He wanted to take a day off but couldn't come up with an actual illness to fake.
10. He is feeling others.:)"
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9. E-mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy. " 8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard. 7. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt. recreational. catnip. 6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna. 5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about their release of "Cyber Dog. " 4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it. 3. You keep finding new software around your house like Catin Tax and War Cat II. 2. On IRC you're known as the Iron Mouser. and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password... 1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post."
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"Did ya hear the news? " asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him! "
"Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!! "
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