A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right? "
"Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train. "
"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while? "
"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there. "
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A blonde calls the fire department cause her house was on fire. They ask her how to get there and she says "Duh, big red truck?!. "
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Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes,and then says, "Dammit, I said UP."
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Buford: Man, have you got a drinking problem! Mongo: The hell I do! Buford: The hell you don't! Mongo: I don't have a drinking problem. I drink... I get drunk... I fall down. No problem!
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A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy? "The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles. " The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have. " The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal? " The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar. "
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A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this. " She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment? "
He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms! "
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