Drunk walks into elevator...

Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes,and then says, "Dammit, I said UP."

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Drinking problem

Buford: Man, have you got a drinking problem! Mongo: The hell I do! Buford: The hell you don't! Mongo: I don't have a drinking problem. I drink... I get drunk... I fall down. No problem!

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He is a very fast drinker

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy? "The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles. " The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have. " The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal? " The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar. "

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Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this. " She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment? "
He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms! "

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Food jokes

Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instill good table manners in her girls? She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup.

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